The Rhona Fox Experience
by IndigoSeas
Summary: Take one (sort of) ordinary girl, add a handful of superheroes, a couple of magical evil doers and a very grumpy ex-god. Put them altogether and what do you get? A whole heap of trouble, that's what. Buckle up your seatbelts kids, it's going to be a bumpy ride...
1. A Prologue of Sorts

**A Prologue of Sorts**

Before I begin my epic tale, let me just say this: everything I'm about to tell you is true. It's the honest to God, one hundred percent truth. As implausible as my story may be, I swear all of it actually happened.

I promise, cross my heart, swear on my hamster's grave and all that other jazz.

Saying that, I really won't hold it against you if you're less than a little believing because frankly, it's pretty bloody far-fetched. I mean the whole situation is so beyond the valley of normal and well into the land of the outright un-fricking-believable that if it didn't actually happen to me I wouldn't believe it either.

Personally I blame Mondays for the entire thing, nothing good ever happens on a Monday. If you ever wake up on a Monday morning, I firmly suggest you shake away any thoughts about getting up and just go back to sleep until Tuesday arrives. Really it's for the best.

Okay so a resurrected, magical megalomaniac, a (rather famous) group of save-the-world types and a cantankerous former god also deserve some of the blame, but then the latter also sort of saved my life so I shouldn't hold a grudge really.

This is probably making about as much sense as a barrel full of purple badgers so I'll enlighten you a teensy bit.

I kinda, sort of, maybe have special powers. And I also maybe used those powers to help save the world.

Now I know what you're thinking.

Special powers?! Saving the world?! Puh-lease! This girl is off her rocker.

Well to such a rude accusation I say: woah there, just calm down before you pop a vein.

I'm not a liar or a nut, I actually do have special powers and I have done since I was eight. Up until then I was just your average wee lass with average abilities like knowing all the dance moves to every S Club 7 song or being able to touch my nose with my tongue. Both of which are highly impressive skills I'm sure you'll agree.

I won't get too much into the whole special powers topic right now- you'll find out soon enough- but I will say this, having powers isn't really as cool as it sounds. If I'm honest, having powers sucks. Like, a lot. It especially sucks when you spend a good majority of your late teens and early twenties being harangued by bunch of pushy government agencies who just won't take no for an answer. All I ever wanted was a bit of normalcy, is that too much to ask? Clearly it is.

I would love to pretend that the weirdest thing that had happened to me was that time at a bus stop in Aberdeen when some pished bloke in a Santa costume sang Christmas carols at me. For most normal girls my age, that sort of event would be the pinnacle of strange occurrences in their lives. Unfortunately, the weirdest thing that happened to me was that time I got lured into helping a clandestine government agency, met a bunch of superheroes and fought an evil sorceress. Yeah, I know, that's pretty damn weird.

Right, you're probably even more confused now but that's because I started at the end when I should have started at, well, the start.

Go figure.

So without further ado, welcome to the massive bag of crazy that is my life.

You are now boarding the Rhona Fox Experience. Prepare yourselves as we embark on an action packed journey full of friendship, loss, magic and tea. Certainly a heady mix of themes. All those of a nervous disposition should probably sit this one out. Ditto those with an aversion to sarcasm and redonkulously evil books. There will be plenty of both in my story.

Well, what are you standing about for? Off you pop...

To the brave few left, I salute you. Please keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times and remember photography is strictly prohibited (if you insist on flaunting the rules and snapping a few pics, then keep in mind, my left side is my good side).

Are we sitting comfortably? Good, then I'll begin...


	2. Good Gods!

**Disclaimer: **_I don't own anything from the Marvel Universe. If I did, I'd have bought the Pacific and turned it into my own private- albeit very large- swimming pool. A girl can dream..._

* * *

**Chapter One- Good Gods!**

It all started on a Monday evening.

I was on my way home after yet another thrilling day of stacking supermarket shelves. It was raining again and, as usual, I had left my umbrella at home. I knew exactly where it was as well, I could picture it in my head just leaning against the table in the hall probably mocking me for being such a forgetful tit.

So as you can guess, I wasn't in the best of moods that evening as I stomped through the streets of Kiltumny, the rain lashing into my face as I made my way to the bus stop.

Usually I would have driven home, but the week before my car Hamish- a suitably Scottish name for a car- had finally given up the ghost and died on me. Thankfully, he'd died only a few feet from the house so my sister Lily and I managed to push him up the driveway and there he'd stayed. I knew I should probably get rid of him, but I didn't have the heart to do it. Yes okay so sometimes he didn't always start in the mornings when it was cold and he kinda resembled a rusting, blue tin can but Hamish was like an old friend. He'd been there through the good times and the bad and I just couldn't bear the thought of him ending up as a pile of scrap metal.

Anyway, I digress.

So I was on my way to the bus stop when all the hairs on the back of my neck stood up and a cold shiver ran down my back. Sure that doesn't sound too strange, it's Scotland, its cold, but this was a weird, completely non-weather related cold shiver; the type of cold shiver that usually meant only one thing.

I was being watched.

Sounds a bit paranoid right? Well for me, being watched was a totally standard occurrence. It usually happened a few times a month which was why my first was reaction was to rub my temples and mutter, "Christ almighty."

There was something different about the situation this time though. For one thing, their lookout car- or as I like to call it, the Stalker Mobile- was a big, black SUV that wouldn't have looked out of place in a bad spy film. However, it stuck out like a sore thumb in a quiet Scottish town. They'd never used such a conspicuous car before. I mean they were MI-13 for Christ's sake it was their job to be inconspicuous and a massive, scary looking beast of a car didn't really scream, super secret stake out.

The other thing that was odd was the fact that said SUV appeared to be following me as I walked down the street. Sure there'd been a bit of following in the early stages of their surveillance, but nowadays they just watched until I waved sarcastically or flipped them the bird and then they'd drive off. There was a time when that hadn't been true, when they'd done everything in their power to bother and annoy me. However, after years of me telling them to bugger off, they'd finally taken the hint and done just that...sort of.

Which is why it was a bit strange that they'd suddenly relapsed. I guess I shouldn't have been so surprised, this was MI-13, they weren't exactly known for their integrity.

I continued on my way to the bus stop and peeked over my shoulder. Yup, they were definitely following me.

A hot flash of irritation shot through me and I stopped and glared at the car. How dare they treat me like this, I wasn't some dangerous criminal. I'd certainly never done anything to warrant such treatment. Hell I didn't even want these stupid powers. They weren't exactly helpful in everyday life. I'd have been far more appreciative if I'd been born with the power to change the telly channel with my mind, or cook food with the touch of a hand. Those powers were much more useful.

Okay so I suppose it's maybe time to do a bit of explaining of the special powers front.

Prepare for a knowledge bomb.

I, Rhona Elizabeth Fox, have the remarkable power to...wait for it...take away magic.

Basically, if someone or something- doesn't matter what it is human, animal, plant, inanimate object- has any amount of magic ability I can strip them of it. All I need is a little hands on contact and a bit of focus and hey presto, it's goodbye magic.

Mind you, the process is always a little trickier with humans, or anything with free will. It's fine if they actually want me to take their magic, that's easy. However, if they're not willing then I have to sort of fight against their instinctive resistance and that takes a massive amount of concentration and effort on my part. To be honest, in general, the whole procedure is hugely exhausting and not the most enjoyable of experiences which is why I don't like doing it all that much.

So that's it, that's all I have to tell you. No wait...I lied there's one other tiny little thing:

I can taketh magic away, but I can also giveth magic back.

I guess the higher power that bestowed me with such a gift also thought, hey let's mess with this girl a bit more; she can remove magic, why not endow her with the ability to restore magic?

As if I wasn't enough of a weirdo.

Seems fair I suppose, why should I be able to take someone's magic and leave them high and dry?

There are limitations though. I can't just go up to some random person on the street and bestow them with mad magical skills. I can only give magic back to someone or something who has had theirs taken away. It doesn't matter if it was me or someone else who removed the magic, I can still give it back.

Oh the power!

How does a person find out they can do such things? I hear you ask. After all, it's not exactly like most people come across magic on a daily basis. Well when I was growing up I kinda did because my dad was a sorcerer.

Yeah I know, I know, her dad's a sorcerer, how bloody preposterous. She's definitely mad.

Get over it already.

It's true okay, my dad spent his whole life mastering the art of magic and he was pretty damn good at it too- he worked for MI-13 actually. He was one of their best field agents. By the time he died, my dad could do pretty much anything with his magic and it was him that encouraged me to start learning magic too.

Oh wait, didn't I mention I can also do magic? No? It must have slipped my mind. Sorry dudes.

Just to say, I'm nowhere near as skilled as my dad was and since he died before he could teach me more, I can do the basics but that's pretty much it. I've tried to teach myself, I've spent hours poring over my dad's old magic tomes and grimoires, but I've not had much luck. I can do a bit more than I could a few years ago and I've even managed to teach myself to 'feel' magic. Essentially, if magic's afoot my magical radar will pick it up. It was a skill my dad always wanted me to learn and I'm quite good at it actually. I just wish the rest of my magical skills matched up.

Anyway, it was because of my dad's abilities that I found out what I was able to do. Needless to say, my dad was more than a little confused when one day he held my hand only to find the magic sucked out of him. It was alright though because about a minute later I grabbed his hand again and all his magic whooshed back into him. Then I collapsed.

Fun times.

It didn't take him long to figure out what was happening and when he did, he made sure I learnt to control it. It took me nearly seven years, but finally I was able to manage my powers and use them only when I wanted to.

By now you've probably put two and two together and figured that my powers are the main reason MI-13 deems it fit to try and persuade me to join them. It would be very helpful having an agent who could render any magical threat useless. They've outlined over and over again the great many perks, privileges, bonuses, etcetera, that they could offer me if I entered their mysterious leagues. Despite this, I've always rebuffed them. Like I said before, I don't like using my powers especially not for shady government organisations. I saw what happened to my dad, how they slowly chipped away at his decency. My dad didn't want the same to happen to me and he and my mum worked hard to keep me out of their clutches.

As it turns out all their efforts were in vain as I went and did the exact opposite of what they wanted.

More about that later though.

Right so there you go; everything you could ever possibly want to know about my special abilities.

Here concludeth the tale of Rhona's super duper, amazing powers.

Let's get on with the story.

Where was I? Oh yes, pissing rain, bus stop, scary car following me...

I still don't know why I suddenly felt so angry. Maybe it was the torrential rain, maybe it was the fact that I'd just missed my bus or maybe it was just that fact that for nearly six years now I'd been hounded by shifty spies. To be honest, it was probably a mixture of the three. Anyway, before I knew what I was doing, I donned my Rhona's-on-the-war-path face and marched over to the SUV that had stopped on the opposite side of the road.

"Hey guys, I'd really like it if you pissed off and left me alone!" I shouted as I chapped loudly on the front passenger window.

The back window rolled down and I rolled my eyes. "Ooo very ominous, if you are trying-"

"Get in," a low voice interrupted.

"Rude," I muttered sullenly before opening the door and sliding onto the back seat.

"Listen Wisdom-" I began but stopped as I a realised who was sitting next to me and all the fire inside me died.

It wasn't Pete Wisdom.

Here's a little word of advice. Don't get into random, suspicious cars. It's stranger danger 101. Don't get in, even if you are convinced that you know whose inside. If your luck is anything like mine then you'll get in only to find out that you have just gotten into a car with a random woman who is definitely not the person you thought they were.

Where I had assumed would be the bearded, grouchy commander of MI-13, there instead sat a stern faced woman with steely blue eyes and dark hair pulled up into a severe bun.

"Rhona Fox?" The stern faced woman asked.

I eyed her suspiciously. "Dunno, depends who's asking."

"Agent Maria Hill, S.H.I.E.L.D."

"S.H.I.E.L.D? As in the Strategic Homeland Intervention-"

"-Enforcement and Logistics Division," Agent Hill finished, "Yes that's the one."

I'd once heard my dad talk about S.H.I.E.L.D. He'd never gone into much depth on the subject, but from the little he did say, S.H.I.E.L.D seemed just as bad as MI-13 in terms of sticking their nose in. I'd always assumed that they tended to stick more to their home territory though which was why I was stunned to see them here, in Kiltumny of all places. It wasn't like it was a big city with lots of threats to American homeland security. The population here was hardly enough to fill a football stadium. I wouldn't have thought it would even register on S.H.I.E.L.D's radar.

"Well bloody hell, don't you guys usually operate away over the pond? What are you doing here?" I asked incredulously.

"If I may-"

"I mean you do know this is Kiltumny right, not London or even Glasgow? I bet there are a few potential threats in Glasgow, all of them fuelled by Buckfast."

"I need to-"

"Jeezo, S.H.I.E.L.D in bloody Kiltumny. Is there a terrorist posing as a Highland cow somewhere? That's quite a funny mental image actually, I can-"

"Miss Fox!" Agent Hill cut across my rambling and glared at me.

"I didn't actually say I was Rhona Fox now did I?"

"Cut the bullshit Fox," she snapped.

I smirked, "Language Agent Hill."

If looks could kill, then the one Hill gave me would have struck me stone cold dead.

"There is an issue that we need to discuss with you," she said coolly.

I raised an eyebrow. "And what issues could S.H.I.E.L.D possibly have to discuss with me?"

She took a moment to choose her words carefully.

"It has recently come to our attention that you possess a certain skill set that we might find useful."

As soon as she said that part of me wanted to run. Just fling the door open and take off down the street. Another, more rational, part of me reasoned that this would probably be impossible. They'd have locked the doors and even if they hadn't, there was no way I could outrun a car. Then there was the part of me that prickled at her words and, as the white hot anger bubbled up from my stomach, it was this part of me that eventually won out.

"Oh really," I glowered at her, "And who told you that, Wisdom by any chance?"

Agent Hill didn't answer, but I took her silence as an admission.

"I thought so. I suppose you all had a cosy wee chat about Rhona Fox and her amazing powers? Well did he also mention that I don't work for dodgy, morally ambiguous government agencies that only see people as a _certain skill set _they can manipulate for their own ends?"

"He mentioned that you might not be so open to the idea," she replied calmly.

"Well he was bloody right."

I folded my arms with an angry huff and glared at the infuriating agent.

Hill just sat and carefully watched me. The anger I had felt moments ago slowly drained from my body and was replaced by weariness. Eventually, after a couple of minutes I sighed and said, "Can I go now?"

She shook her head. "I'm afraid not Fox."

"Oh come on!" I snapped. "I'm not going to help you with whatever little problem you and your S.H.I.E.L.D buddies have so just let me go home." I reached out and wriggled the handle which remained still. I yanked it harder, but still the damn thing refused to budge. "Unlock the door!" I demanded.

Hill shook her head again. "Not until you've heard me out."

I gave the handle another tug before slumping down onto the leather seat and staring dejectedly at my shoes. "Fine," I said through gritted teeth, "I'll hear you out, but then I'm leaving."

I fiddled with a loose thread on my jumper, only stopping when a thick manila folder landed on my lap. I reluctantly picked it up and I flipped the cover open. The words on the front page were a bit fuzzy without my glasses, but if I squinted enough I could just make out the name.

"Loki Laufeyson," I read out loud. The name didn't sound familiar. My eyes drifted to the picture that went with the name. My vision was still blurry, but I could see the photograph easier and what I saw made my brain go into overdrive. The pale pointed face, those cold green eyes, that long raven hair- I'd seen this man before, though I had no clue where.

I glanced up at Agent Hill.

"Who is he?"

"Loki Laufeyson."

"Yes I read that thank you," I sneered, "I meant, what has he done to earn himself such a whopping great file?" I flipped through the other pieces of paper, but couldn't read anything solid without my specs.

"You mean you don't know him?"

"Would I be asking you if I did?" I replied curtly.

Agent Hill gave me a disbelieving stare. "You do remember the Manhattan incident three years ago?"

I nodded, "Of course I do! I don't live in a cave. That was when all those alien dudes came out of the wormhole thingy and went a bit mental."

"Yes, well Loki here is the reason why all those _alien dudes_ _went a bit mental_," she replied sardonically.

I bristled at her mocking tone, but kept quiet. My mind trying to process the information she had just given me. Loki, Manhattan, aliens, wormholes, Loki, aliens, Loki, Loki...

"Oh that's who he is!" I blurted out as realisation hit me.

I knew I'd seen that face before. It had been plastered all over the news and internet. Lily had shown me that video of him riding the strange hovercraft thing. I didn't know that was his name though.

Hill rolled her eyes at my outburst. "You know who he is then?"

"Yeah, he's that god dude."

She narrowed her eyes at the word 'god', but said, "Yes that's him."

I frowned, "Why are you showing me his file?"

"After he was defeated in Manhattan, Loki was brought back to his home realm Asgard where he faced trial for his crimes." The agent didn't seem too happy when she said this and I got the distinct feeling she'd rather he'd have been punished here on Earth. To be fair, there were probably a few people who wished the same thing. I doubt Loki had made many friends during his visit.

"What has that got to do with me?"

"A week ago, Loki returned to Earth," Hill replied gravely.

My eyebrows shot up. "He's back? Here? Fannying about in that ridiculous hat again?"

"Yes, well minus the hat."

"So he killed all those people and destroyed a good chunk of Manhattan and he's allowed to run around scot free?" What bullshit. From the look on Hill's face I could tell she felt the same. "Whose brilliant idea was that?" I asked.

"Loki was authorised for release by Odin. He is currently under the supervision of his brother Thor."

Loki, Thor, Odin. Christ the strange names club had hit town.

I shook my head, "Why would they let him go? What if he goes on another destroy-the-world kick?"

"As far as we understand, he shouldn't be able to. Loki was stripped of all his powers as soon as he returned to Asgard."

"So you're saying he's one of us?"

"I guess he is."

I pinched the bridge of my nose as I tried to make sense of this information. "Right so let me get this straight. Loki decked Manhattan, went back to Aslan-"

"Asgard."

"That's what I said," I retorted, "So he went back to _Asgard, _did a few years in some fancy prison there I take it?"

Hill nodded, "So we believe."

"And now he's back here on Earth without his fancy powers and therefore, no way of destroying anymore cities?"

"Yes, that's correct."

I raised an eyebrow, "And you believe that do you?"

"Thor assures us that Loki poses no threat."

"But you don't fully trust him though."

The agent regarded me for a moment before answering.

"No. "

"So you've come to ask for my help, why?"

"Is it true that you can sense magic and remove it?" Hill asked.

"Yeah I guess," I answered reluctantly. There was no point in lying; she already knew I could otherwise she wouldn't have asked me. I frowned as realisation hit me. "Do Loki's former powers happen to involve magic?" I asked apprehensively.

"Yes. We need you-"

I cut her off. "I won't do it. I know what you're going to ask of me and I refuse to do it."

"Stop being so stubborn; this is a matter of international security."

"Why me? Surely there are others you can pester to do it?"

"None of them can take away magic."

I scoffed, "That's pure shite you're spouting. I know about that Rogue lass, she absorbs powers. Why can't you get her to do it?"

"She can't absorb magic."

"How convenient," I muttered quietly, "Look I'm not stupid. I know there's some other reason why you want me."

Hill ignored my comment. "We will fully reimburse you for your time. Name your price," the agent said with a knowing smirk as she pulled out a sleek black cheque book.

I shook my head, "I couldn't give a toss about money."

It was the truth, I really didn't. I had money- after my parents died they had left a substantial amount to Lily and I, though so far I had barely touched my share of it. I didn't need to; I had my job at the supermarket which earned me enough to get by. Lily had used a big chunk of hers to help her pay for university, but like me she had a job which helped her survive down in Manchester.

Hill looked disbelieving. "In my line of work Fox, I've discovered that everyone has their price."

They were all the same; always thinking they could buy someone's allegiance.

"You just don't get it," I sighed, "None of you do. I don't want anything from any of you, not S.H.I.E.L.D, not MI-13, nobody. I just want to be left alone." I turned away from the woman and stared out of the window. "I listened to what you had to say, now let me go." She didn't reply so I shot her an impatient glance over my shoulder not that Hill noticed, she was too busy mulling something over. I could practically hear the cogs turning in her head.

"You can leave," She said after a moment, "But first I have a proposition for you."

I opened my mouth to rebuke her, but she held up a hand and I bit back the words. I huffed and started fiddling with the thread again.

She regarded me seriously. "Here's my deal. If you come with us willingly and do what we ask of you, then S.H.I.E.L.D will make sure that you aren't bothered by anyone again."

My head shot up. "You mean you will stop MI-13 from following me? Stop them from trying to get me to join them?"

She nodded, "And any others that may try."

"Including S.H.I.E.L.D?"

"Including S.H.I.E.L.D."

I gave her a fierce look. "And my sister will be included in all this too?"

"Yes."

Thoughts zipped through my head. They could speak to Wisdom, they get could him to stop badgering me. I could be rid of MI-13 and their stupid surveillance. Lily wouldn't be bothered and they would all leave me alone, just like I'd always wanted.

But- and it was one very _BIG_ but- I had to go against all my common sense and principles and do as S.H.I.E.L.D wanted. I despised them and their kind. Absolutely loathed how they treated people like tools to be used when the need arose, only to be dropped again just as quickly.

And yet...

If I just did this one simple thing for them, I could have peace.

"I'll do it," I blurted out before I could stop myself.

A look of triumph flashed across Agent Hill's face and she held out a hand. "Deal?"

I hesitated for a second before shaking her hand. "Deal."

And so it was with one handshake, that I sold away any chances of a normal life.

"You will have to sign some things when we get there, just a couple of disclaimers."

I waved dismissively, "Yeah sure whatever. Can we just get on with it? I want to get home sometime this week."

Hill bridled at my impatient tone and called to the driver, "Take us to the compound."

* * *

The compound turned out to be a small, but highly intimidating building in the middle of a field. Where this field was I didn't quite know, but we were a good couple of hours away from Kiltumny. As soon as we'd arrived, I'd been hastily ushered out the car and into the compound where stony faced man had all but pushed me into a room and ordered me to sign the papers on the table. Hill had joined me soon after to brief me on what exactly they wanted me to do.

"So let's just go through this again. Loki and Thor are in that room," I pointed to the door to my left, "And you want me to go in, see if I pick up any magic from Loki and if I do, remove it from him."

"Correct," Agent Hill confirmed.

"And there is no way that Loki can snap me over his knee like a breadstick?" I asked hesitantly.

"No, Loki has been well restrained. Even if he did escape, without his powers Loki has the same strength as that of a normal man. The most he'd be able to do is fracture a few ribs, maybe break an arm or-" She must have seen the horrified look on my face because she stopped. "But Thor won't let that happen though and we are just outside the door if anything does go wrong," she added quickly.

I nodded. "That's reassuring," I replied, though I didn't feel in the least bit reassured.

Hill gave me a pointed look. "Are you ready?"

Erm let me think...NO.

"As ready as I'll ever be. Let's get this over with," I took a deep breath and pushed open the door.

Now my dear little chums. I don't know if you've ever seen a god, but before that day I hadn't. (Funnily enough, there aren't many gods wandering about the Scottish countryside.) So I wasn't quite sure what I expected them to look like. I thought maybe they'd be sixty foot tall and glowing, possibly wearing some weird arse white robe things.

What I didn't expect were two relatively normal looking blokes.

Okay so they were still very tall (or at least they looked it, it was hard to tell when they were sitting down) and the blonde one, who I assumed was Thor, was about the size of a bear. Their clothing was certainly odd- I would describe it as medieval battle chic- but apart from that they looked almost ordinary.

And they weren't glowing, which I was a little disappointed about actually.

One was glowering though and I recognised him from the picture I'd seen in the car.

So this was Loki Laufeyson.

His hands and feet were shackled and a few scars marred the pale skin of his pointed face. His clothes weren't quite as outlandish as his brother's, but his hair was ridiculously long. However, it was his eyes that caught my attention. It wasn't the colour- though they were a particularly striking shade of green- more the fact that they were the most pissed off eyes I'd ever seen on a person.

EVER.

And I'd dealt with many a pissed off customer.

I didn't receive the warmest of welcomes as I walked into the room. Not that I was expecting such a thing, but a wee smile wouldn't have gone amiss especially when fear had turned my legs to jelly.

Both of them were sitting at a metal table in the middle of the room and I tried my best not to let my dread show as I made my way over to meet them. Thor regarded me warily while Loki didn't bother to even look up, choosing instead to bore a hole through the table with those angry eyes of his.

Thor quickly stood up as I approached the table and tentatively held out a GIANT hand. "Greetings my lady," he said and shook my hand, "I am Thor Odinson of Asgard and this is my brother Loki..." He trailed off as the dark haired man shot him a contemptuous look.

I pulled my hand away from his and awkwardly ran it through my hair. "Um hi, yeah I'm Rhona Fox of, eh...Kiltumny." I gave him a nervous smile.

This seemed to relax Thor a bit and he returned my smile with a warm one of his own. "Please be seated," he said as he gestured the chair in front of me.

I sat down, careful to make sure that I was out of throttling reach should Loki manage to slip his handcuffs. Thor dropped down onto the seat next to his brother and both men turned their gaze onto me; Thor watching me expectantly while Loki simply glared. I stared back, my eyes flitting between the two of them. Neither of them spoke, obviously waiting for me to start the conversation. My heart pounded in my chest as I tried to think of how to begin. The words jumbled about in my head as I desperately attempted to arrange them into sentences.

You should probably know now that I have a condition known as speak-before-you-thinkitis. It's a very serious condition that means, more often than not, I forget to engage my brain before opening my mouth. This usually results in a stream of random babble spewing from me. Unfortunately, speak-before-you-thinkitis is severely affected by awkward silences and that's when I tend to say the first things that pop into my head.

In this case it was:

"Christ almighty, you should be in every L'Oreal advert. Your hair is so glossy. It's like a lion's mane," I rambled at a thoroughly disconcerted Thor.

Loki shook his head at my babbling and I turned to him. "Yours, on the other hand, is awful. That is one bad case of bed head you've got going on there. Seriously dude, use a brush," I paused, realising what I'd just said, "Oh right, they probably don't have brushes in prison," I added quietly.

He narrowed his eyes at me, but didn't say anything.

I heaved a deep breath. "So I'm going to stop talking about hair now," I sighed, "Sorry lads, I'm just a bit nervous and that tends to lead to me rambling."

Thor frowned, "You are nervous, at meeting us?"

"Well duh, of course I am. One of you is the bear sized god of Thunder and the other tried to take over the world dressed as a yak. Stuff like that's gonna make a lass a bit edgy."

"You think my size to be similar to that of a bear?"

"Yes, you're massive! Wait, sorry I didn't mean it like that. You're not fat or anything, just bulky...like an ox," I garbled. Loki rolled his eyes and slumped back into his chair, clearly fed up with my case of word vomit.

"An ox?" Thor's eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

"Kind of like a cow, but shaggier, horns a bit like your brother's mad helmet..." I stuck my hands on top of my head to mime horns.

Thor shook his head and gave me a worried look.

Great he probably thought I was deranged.

I took another deep breath and resolved to get this encounter over and done with as quickly as possible. These gods were making me seriously nervy and I needed to get out of here.

"Right, sorry. I'll stop wittering on." I gave Thor a pointed look, "I assume you know why I'm here?" He nodded and I continued, "Well S.H.I.E.L.D have asked me to check your brother"-Loki's shoulders tensed at the word-"to see if he's got any magic in him and remove it if he does."

It was Thor's turn to tense up. "Yes I am aware of what they have asked of you, but I assure you, no magic remains with Loki. My father stripped him of all his powers."

I nodded. "And I believe that. Unfortunately for you, S.H.I.E.L.D isn't quite as convinced," I gestured to Loki, "Your brother caused more than a spot of bother last time he was here and the powers-that-be are a bit antsy."

"Understood," Thor replied.

I glanced at Loki. "Well I'd better, you know, check him now," I said, steeling myself as I reached out and gently placed a hand on his arm. I don't actually have to touch someone to sense their magic, but contact always helped intensify the process and I needed to be doubly sure there wasn't anything there.

He jerked his arm away and gave me a searing look. For one terrifying moment I thought he might break his bonds and punt me across the room like a ragdoll.

"Don't touch me!" He spat.

My fear turned to annoyance.

"Look, I hate this situation as much as you do"- Loki let out a snort of derision at my comment, but I ignored it- "but I'm here to do a job and I'll be damn well buggered if I let some dour god with a terrible barnet stop me from doing it," I said shortly. I lifted my hand again and placed it firmly on his arm.

He stiffened at my touch and I glared at him, daring him to shake me off again. He sniffed haughtily, but kept his arm still. I closed my eyes and focused on the task.

My brow furrowed as I searched for something, just the tiniest trace of magic. I waited for the familiar wave of energy, the tingling sensation on my scalp, the fluttering in my stomach, but they never came. There was nothing. Loki was clean, there wasn't any magic. Thor was telling the truth.

I opened my eyes and nearly fell off the chair from the shock of finding Loki's face inches from my own.

His green eyes flickered to the security camera in the corner of the room. "You see, the girl felt nothing. Thor speaks the truth, I am without my magic." He said tersely. His gaze focused on me again, "You can let go now."

His voice was low and silky and it freaked the bloody bejesus out of me. He looked down at the table and I realised I still had my hand on his arm. I glowered at him and hastily removed it. He smirked and settled back into his chair, a look of vicious amusement on his face.

Irritation rose up in me and I pointed an angry finger at him. "I don't know what you're so pleased about Scarface; you're one of us now. Welcome to mortality, it's a bitch."

Loki's face clouded over with rage and he opened his mouth to retort, but I interrupted him. My patience for the whole charade had come to an end and all I wanted to do was go home.

"Alright, alright calm down dear." I mocked as I stood up abruptly. "It's been...interesting lads, it really has but sadly I must bid you gentlemen adieu. There's a bottle of wine waiting for me at home and after this evening, I sorely need it."

Thor started to stand, but I held up a hand to stop him. "No, no don't get up. I can let myself out." I smiled, "It was nice to meet you Thor. Good luck with the 'whole supervision of your brother' thing. You're gonna need it."

A small smile tugged at the corner's of Thor's lips. "Farewell Lady Fox," he replied politely.

"And Loki," I turned to the sour faced god, "Get a haircut," I said with a smirk as I spun round and walked as quickly as I could towards the door. Behind me I heard Loki splutter angrily and my smirk grew.

Agent Hill was waiting for me as I stepped out of the room.

"So?" She asked expectantly.

"He's clean."

"You're sure?"

"Yes I'm sure," I replied impatiently, "He has no magic, zip, zilch, zero. Can I go home now?"

Hill nodded curtly and gestured to a broad shouldered man standing nearby. "Agent Radcliffe will take you back. Thank you for your co-operation Miss Fox."

"My pleasure," I said with a sardonic smile and followed Radcliffe out to the car.

Thoughts of what had just happened shot through my mind. I had met two gods, antagonised one and lived to tell the tale. I chuckled at the thought and let out a sigh of relief. At least I'd done it and now S.H.I.E.L.D had to uphold their end of the deal. Finally I was free to lead a (somewhat) normal existence. No shady cars, no requests to join secret agencies, no constantly looking over my shoulder and feeling watched. At last, I could have a peaceful life.

How wrong I was.

* * *

**A/N: **_So there there you have it, the first official chapter to my very first fanfic. Thanks for reading pals, I hoped you liked it. If you did, then why not pop a few words into the wee review box? If you didn't, you can also do the same, I can't stop you. Just know, that for every bad review posted, a puppy dies. Nah, just joking- it's actually a kitten..._

_Anyway, review my pretties, review!_


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